The Last Goodbye
by looneylizzie
Summary: Harry had come to say goodbye. Once and for all.
**So, I wrote this for the Angst Galore Challenge over on the HPFF forums, which means that if I've done this right, you might need some tissues. :)**

 **Also, this story is based on the song** _ **The Last Goodbye -**_ **performed by Billy Boyd and written by Howard Shore for the last installment of The Hobbit films. SO, I highly recommend going ahead and listening to it before/while reading this...it's up to you...but it kinda sets the mood and I've written this so that it mirrors the lyrics in a way.**

 **And, obviously, I'm neither JKR or Billy Boyd/Howard Shore, so I can't claim anything you recognize.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 _I saw the light fade from the sky  
_ _On the wind I heard a sigh_

Hogwarts castle was quiet.

It stood cold – almost menacingly – over the little group huddled in one of its gardens. The trees were bare, the ground frozen, and all signs of life were gone. Yet, looking around one could tell that come summer, the little garden would be bursting with life.

The sun was setting quickly, casting long shadows across the grounds from the newly reconstructed towers and replanted trees that had been painstakingly put together in the last eight months. The grass was covered with frost, and there was a nip in the air that chilled to the bones.

 _As the snowflakes cover my fallen brothers  
_ _I will say this last goodbye_

Harry stood still, staring at the scene in front of him. His breath was visible in the bitter December air, and he dug his hands further into his pockets in order to keep warm.

He spotted a snowflake as it gently floated down and landed on the gravestone in front of him. Another fell, this time landing on his arm. Upon landing it disappeared, melting into the fabric, only to quickly be replaced by another. Soon, the entire memorial was being coated in a fine layer of snow.

Harry had come to say goodbye. Once and for all.

 _Night is now falling  
_ _So ends this day  
_ _The road is now calling  
_ _And I must away_

He watched the setting sun as it exploded with one last burst of color before disappearing below the horizon. He'd come for closure, for some way to rid himself of the pain, the sorrow, the loss, and the guilt. He wanted to move on, to continue on with his life. He wanted to put this story behind him.

The _world_ needed him to put this behind him.

He glanced around at the place he once called home. Harry's eyes traced the outlines of the familiar portions of the ancient building, remembering its majesty when he'd first arrived, sailing across the Black Lake in those tiny boats. At once he'd known that he'd finally found a home. He'd finally found somewhere he belonged.

Harry desperately wanted to still cherish the one place that he'd ever felt safe and secure and whole, but now… now he only felt empty.

He'd left, in search of the unthinkable, the unbelievable. He'd hunted for Horcruxes, mastered the Hallows. He'd dragged his two best friends through hell and back on a seemingly endless journey through the never-ending countrysides. They had been on the run, constantly in fear, and never quite sure whether they would live another day or be slaughtered by an unspeakable evil.

Finally, he'd returned home, close to success, close to safety, and sure of victory, only to find more war and destruction.

 _And though where the road then takes me  
_ _I cannot tell_

What home did he have now? Where could he feel safe again?

The Burrow was a home, but he'd never felt the same level of safety and security that the castle provided during his first introductions into the world of magic.

Harry didn't have answers. He didn't know what was next, he only knew what had passed. Peace had been achieved, but at such a cost. A cost that Harry wasn't yet ready to accept. A cost he hadn't been willing to pay.

The cost being people he wasn't ready to say goodbye to.

 _Many places I have been,  
_ _Many sorrows I have seen  
_ _But I don't regret, nor will I forget  
_ _All who took that road with me_

Harry knew he couldn't have finished this war without those he lost, and he knew that wishing it differently wouldn't change anything or do himself any good. He'd done his best.

Regret, in this case, was useless.

So he decided that he'd remember them. All of them. His eyes scanned the list of names of the deceased, and he thought of each one he knew.

 _Albus Dumbledore_. His twinkling blue eyes never ceasing to make Harry feel like he was completely transparent. Dumbledore seemed to know everything, never short of some piece of wisdom that Harry most desperately needed next.

 _Colin Creevey_. A boy desperate to prove himself a man, so he could fight alongside those he knew were fighting for a just cause. A boy who showed Harry what it means to be courageous.

 _Dobby_. A house elf whose loyalties were stronger than any others' had been before. A creature who freely chose to dedicate his entire existence to aiding Harry in any way possible, only to die for that cause he so desperately believed in.

 _Fred Weasley_. This name struck a harder blow than any of the previous ones. Fred, his brother, though not by blood but by loyalties. Once a boy, then a man, who never ceased to look for laughter and joy, even in the darkest of times. Fred, whose cheeky grin belonged next to his twin's, not in a cold grave and his name carved into stone.

 _Hedwig_. His introduction into the wizarding world. She had been his comfort and fragile connection to the world he belonged in during those torturous summers with his aunt and uncle. She reminded him to appreciate the true wonders of magic, the way he did way back when.

 _Remus and Nymphadora Lupin_. Remus had been Harry's first real connection to his father, and a mentor to guide him through the difficulties of one of his earliest years at Hogwarts. He showed Harry how those who loved him never really left him.

And Tonks, the lighthearted and youthful auror who taught Harry that being an Auror didn't have to be dreadfully serious all of the time. A woman who didn't care where love came from or who it was for, and a woman who fought for herself and for those she loved because she knew what mattered most.

Most importantly, a couple who trusted Harry with the care of their son, an honor Harry feared he'd never live up to.

 _Sirius Black_. The man that Harry knew for only two years before being ripped away in battle. The man that Harry looked up to beyond all others, who was the closest thing to a father Harry would ever know.

 _Severus Snape_. Harry's enemy from his first day at Hogwarts, until the truth was uncovered. He was a man who had sacrificed everything, his entire life, to the protection of the only thing that remained of the woman he loved. Harry. He showed a form of bravery Harry still couldn't understand.

 _James and Lily Potter._

A tear finally ran down Harry's cheek when he reached their names. His parents, who gave their lives in order to protect the most precious thing they had ever known. His parents, who he didn't remember, but knew for sure that they had loved him more than he could fathom.

How desperately he wished he could have them all back! How could he move on, how could he ever let himself forget them? Even for just a moment?

Guilt dragged him down to his knees, his forehead pressed against the freezing stone as he struggled to breathe through the growing storm.

 _To these memories I will hold,  
_ _With your blessing I will go_

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, the words lost to the wind as soon as they escaped his lips. "I wish, I wish you were all here. I wish that you didn't have to die for me. I wish that I didn't have to live, knowing that you deserved so much better – so much more."

Harry took shuddering breaths, gripping onto the statue tightly, eyes closed as he whispered desperately, as if he wished hard enough they would somehow come back.

"I wish it didn't hurt so much."

He choked back a sob, resisting the urge to scream at the wind. He took several minutes to breathe deeply, to calm himself down.

"I know that you all would want me to move on, to live my life, to get a happily ever after. But that's not going to happen, because my happily ever after would have all of you in it." Harry sighed, finally opening his eyes and standing up.

"I came here to say goodbye, to try and let you all go at once. To leave you all behind and move on down the next road I'm supposed to take. But I can't do that. I can't say goodbye completely. Not now, and probably not ever, and I'm so sorry for that. I'm not ready to let you go... or to forgive myself," Harry said sadly, running his fingers along the grooves carefully carved into the Phoenix statue.

With one last deep breath, he turned around and walked back to Ginny, Ron and Hermione, who all stood on the opposite side of the garden to give him some privacy.

He slipped his hand into Ginny's when he reached them, allowing her comforting presence to ground him, to make him feel safe again.

"So," she whispered, covering his hand with both of hers, attempting to warm it. "Did you say goodbye?"

Harry shook his head slowly. "More like goodbye for now. A 'fare thee well' of sorts."

She nodded in understanding, and as they turned to leave, Harry looked back over his shoulder.

 _I bid you all a very fond farewell._


End file.
